Life is a Journey........

I created this webpage over a month ago…. And I have not posted on it since.  Mainly because I am still unsure as to the how’s/why’s and what’s this page will be.  What audience I want to reach.  Believe me… I have started a few posts… yet have not completed.  Must be a virgo thing…. I start things and then have trouble completing or following through.  I am the quintessential procrastinator.  I admit it!  Isn’t that the first step in recovery…. Admitting you have a problem!  Say it… “Welcome!  We love you Stacey”!    

The idea of starting this blog started with – believe it or not – my cardiologist.  Amazed by my story of survival and how having a cardiac condition changed my view of this world…. He insisted I write a book.  That surely can happen in time… but again… I am a procrastinator…. So don’t hold your breath on a novel.  BTW… yesterday it was my anniversary of my open heart surgary….42 years!  I acknowledge it because with each passing year it’s a celebration of a miracle. 

Another reason I have been holding out is because I feel like I am stuck somewhere in between my old life and my new life here in Tennessee.  Trying to bridge the gap has become somewhat of a challenge.  I promised myself that when I moved to TN I would begin a new journey.  It has not been easy because I feel as though I am constantly being pulled back into the life I had.  Constantly feeling as though I am always being used as a sound-board for everyone… yet never enough time to hear of the joys in ones lives.  All of this negative energy is preventing me from rediscovering myself.  Even saying that I feel guilty because I never want to turn anyone away when they are in crisis.  However, I am resorting to old habits.  I invest too much time worrying about everything and everyone I left behind.  My “I wanna save everyone” consumes me.  So much that I forget to save myself.  So if you notice that I have become more distant…. Don’t take offence….. I am trying to keep the promise I made to myself.  This is a new journey for me and if I keep looking back… I will never get anywhere. 

The biggest and most substantial change I have made is my spiritual journey.  I was raised Roman Catholic.  I use the term “raised” loosly because honestly…. I only went to church for holidays, and sacraments (weddings, christenings and funerals).  Going to CCD felt more like a punishment then a place to learn and grow.  My parents seemed to have used God as a parenting tool and it was embedded in me to believe that “God punishes” therefore I was more afraid of God then appreciative of him. Even when I did go to church I was left with nothing to take home with me.  I found church to be somewhat regiment and monotonous.    Listen I am not the poster child for a Good Catholic…. Anyone who knows me can agree.  I cuss & swear, I am judgmental, unforgiving, selfish and often times then I dare to admit I have very little patience for anything.  At age 40-something I am finally realizing that God does not punish… in fact its really the opposite.  Learning that God is Good Always, his plans for me are far better than any plans I have for myself.  Again I don’t know much about the bible or religion…. I only know of the obvious…. Birth of Christ, Death of Christ and Resurrection of Christ.  I don’t own a bible and I don’t really even know how to read one and understand it.  I wonder if Barnes and Nobles sells a book “Bible Reading for Dummies”?  If so…. I am downloading that read.  I am not putting down any religion as I believe we all have a right to believe and practice anyway we see fit. This spiritual journey has me so conflicted yet so much more in tune to who I really am and what I really stand for deep inside.  Although I always appreciate life in general.  My appreciation for things I have been taking for granted has broaden.  Thanks to one of my neighbors here I have found a church I really enjoy going to.  I am anxious every week to see what life lesson I am going to bring home today and how I can apply that to my life and the lives around me going forward.  As I am going through this journey I am noticing some of the deviant aspects of my life and what I expose myself to.  One of them is Facebook.  On a separate blog I will talk more about Facebook and how it has affected my life… Good, Bad and Indifferent. 

For those of you I consider friends….. both new and old…. I ask that you be patient with me.  I am a working progress.  Till then…. Life is short…. Eat dessert FIRST!